Here Goes Nothing

I shouldn’t be so nervous about this. I had some trepidation about returning to Twitter after a lengthy hiatus, but found my niche there. I was nervous about creating the professional Facebook page, but that seems like it’s going more or less ok. I’ve taken to checking my email for acceptances and/or rejections like it’s going out of style, which is bad for my data plan and probably my nerves as well. But nothing’s made me nervous quite like actually making the Official Author Website.

Maybe I just feel a little silly creating an author website before I publish a debut novel. Everything I’ve researched on the topic says to not feel silly, that having a website is an excellent move, but I’m still approaching this like I’m the love-struck protagonist of a young adult novel: clumsily, with butterflies in my stomach, a palpitating heart, and a touch of dizziness that’s not enough to be medically concerning but enough for me to go tumbling into my love interest while he’s getting things out of his locker.

I work in fiction. That this is real is something I’m still having a bit of a hard time processing. I’m editing and preparing; I have a pitch contest in twelve days and my first-ever conference two days after that; I have business cards that I already need to update. Business cards. Physical pieces of card stock with my contact information on them telling people (hopefully agents and editors) that I’m a professional now.

I’m a musician as well as a writer, and I can tell you that the feeling of “This is great, but will never be perfect” crosses between those two mediums. In fact, my nerves right now feel akin to performance anxiety: even though I’ve practiced and prepared for so long, I still feel like I’m going to make one or more mistakes (whether or not they look like mistakes to everyone else and I’m just being hard on myself is another story). But an adage that I’ve also heard from musicians that can probably apply to a lot of facets of a writer’s life is “Fake it ’til you make it.”

So here I am: a little scared of what’s to come, definitely afraid that I’m not prepared enough, but I guess I’m already on the stage and tuning. I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. Let’s do this thing.